Naptime Transitions

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Miss Faith

This gnome might help. Check out the Etsy shop Ginger Little or other Etsy shops.

Dear Miss Faith, I have a 3yo daughter and a 1.5yo son. Our transition to naptime has been very hard, with lots of resistance from my daughter. Getting her upstairs after lunch has become a real struggle. The rest of our day goes pretty smoothly, but nobody is enjoying this part. Do you have any ideas for us to try?

Dear Mama,

My first thought is to try and find a way that she might be excited to go up. One idea is to have a special figurine (a small doll, a gnome or a fairy would work great) and each day before nap, you go upstairs by yourself and put the figurine somewhere that your daughter will be able to see it when she comes into the room. Then go downstairs, and as this ritual is getting established, you might tell a little story that contains a hint:

“I went upstairs, and while I was there, I saw the gnome. He told me that in his kingdom they love things that are soft, and he found something that was VERY soft in your room. He loves it! I wonder if he’ll still be there when we get upstairs? Let’s go and look!”

Then she might be eager to go upstairs and find him snuggling with her softest teddy bear. Once she finds him, have a special shelf that he can ‘live’ on where he can watch over her while she sleeps, making sure that she sleeps safe and sound. The next day he might be looking at a book, peeking out from behind a curtain, sitting on the changing table, etc.

If you want to set yourself up for success, you can build it up before you start. At lunch one day, tell a story about a little girl who had a special gnome-friend (or fairy friend, or whatever figure you’ll use) who would watch over her while she slept, and make sure that she was safe and sound. This gnome would have all sorts of adventures while she was awake and playing, but as soon as it was time for sleep, there he’d be, waiting for her. After telling this story a few times, you might ask, “Would YOU like a gnome friend to watch over you while you sleep, too?” If she agrees, then before bed, call out softly, “If there are any gnomes around, this little girl would like to have a friend.” Do this each time she goes to bed for several days, and then then one day before nap, set the gnome up and come downstairs. Look at her excitedly and motion her up, putting a finger to your lips and tiptoeing upstairs. Let her look around and find him. Hooray! A gnome friend for her! Then establish where his spot will be to watch over her. It will be up to you whether you let her play with the gnome during the day, but it may be that he keeps some of his magic by staying up on the shelf and only coming down when it’s time for her to go to bed.

Stories like this can also help children who get up many times in the night. You can tell a story about a Guardian Angel or some other guardian who will watch over them. Then if they wake up, they can look and see that their guardian is there, and they can know they are safe.

Warmly, ~Miss Faith

I welcome questions and comments. Have a question or challenge of your own? Email me at faith@joyfultoddlers.com

Sensory Integration

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Miss Faith

Dear Miss Faith, My 3 year old son seems to be developing issues which I think are linked to sensory integration. He has become a little obsessed about his hands, feet and face. He doesn’t want them ever to get dirty, but he doesn’t want to wash them, either. He’ll even hold them closed, and then they get clammy and he cries about them being dirty. Sometimes he’ll play in the dirt or with rocks, and recently we went to a cabin in the woods for five days and he had a great time. Other times he can’t even stand the idea of dirt and will obsess about it. He wants his hands wiped a certain way, with a towel that’s half wet and half dry, and if he doesn’t get it then he melts down. It’s worse if he’s tired or hungry.

Continue reading →

When You Can’t Pick Him Up

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Miss Faith

Dear Miss Faith, I have an almost-3yo and a 4-month-old. Since the baby has been born, my older son has been very demanding of me picking him up and carrying him everywhere. I tried saying “You are a big boy, you don’t need me to carry you,” but that didn’t work. Then I read that older children need to regress and not be made to feel bad by their parents for doing so, so I’ve been very accommodating since then, even though it’s been physically hard on me. Well, now I’ve ruptured a disc in my back, and the doctor says I can’t pick him up at all. How can I gently liberate my son from needing to be held? I don’t want to make him feel bad, but I really cannot carry him anymore. This is the WORST thing that could have happened.

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Saying Goodbye

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Miss Faith

Dear Miss Faith, I am a working mom (though I would much rather be a stay at home mom, it’s not financially possible at this time), and my Mother-in-Law cares for my 2yo son each day. Lately, when she’s been leaving, he’s been falling apart completely. Do you have any suggestions for how to make “parting with grandma” easier? Yesterday he had a total meltdown. From the kitchen, I heard her tell him “I will be right back”…which made me cringe, because I do NOT like lying to children about things like that. Looking back, I wish I had tried “validating” more, by saying “you’re sad that grandma is leaving, i’m sad too”.. etc… but he was instant-hysterical and it’s so hard to calmly talk with him when he’s like that. Not to mention, it just doesn’t *feel* like he understands or is even listening when I am trying to use ‘validating’ words to him. I would love any words of encouragement you could offer. Continue reading →

Make Your Own Rituals

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Miss Faith

You may have noticed that the children in your life love having things done exactly the same way every time. There is a good reason for this: when we do things the same way each time, it lets children develop competence. They are able to anticipate what will happen next, they know exactly how things go, and eventually they will be able to do it themselves. Children get a great deal of satisfaction in having things done the same way each time. As adults, this can sometimes drive us crazy, either because we’re in a rush, or simply because we get bored of doing the same things over and over again. However, there is a way to do things the same way each time that feels fulfilling to both child and adult: to take our routines and transform them into rituals. Continue reading →

3 Year Old Defiance

Posted on April 26, 2012 by Miss Faith

Dear Miss Faith,

My son is 3.5yo, and we’re struggling with defiance. I had been very permissive with him in the past, and it wasn’t serving us or him. Now I am struggling to establish new boundaries. I feel like this is the right thing to do, but it isn’t going so well. In the moment, when I am exercising my authority he either throws a tantrum (a new behavior from him), or he is completely defiant. I can handle the tantrum with love, but the defiance makes me see red and I just cannot summon up love or humor or distraction to deal with the situation. Continue reading →

Missing Grandma

Posted on April 21, 2012 by Miss Faith

Dear Miss Faith, My little boy is intense and sensitive in how he loves people. My mother was in town for 2 weeks, and we took her to the airport to send her off together. I took my son with her to the gate and showed him that she was leaving and going back to her home. He didn’t fully acknowledge it (he is 2.5) although I know he is capable of doing so. Afterwards, he started becoming increasingly aggressive, defiant and spacey. He is pushing, hitting, throwing food and finding it funny…both and home and at his preschool. He refuses to sit at the dinner table to eat and whines and cries the entire time at every meal. I am assuming he doesn’t know how to communicate that he misses grandma, and doesn’t understand what he is feeling. I am not sure how to help him with this. Hope you have some insight. Continue reading →

Running Away

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Miss Faith

Dear Miss Faith–My 2 year old is running away from me for everything, and it’s causing some problems. Put on socks, shoes, brush teeth, go to school, change diaper, go outside – he runs runs runs! Any ideas? He used to be excited to do all this, and now … Continue reading →

Upcoming Classes

Posted on April 10, 2012 by Miss Faith

Things have been busy around here! The April/May Tele-Class filled up, and I’ve set the dates for the next class: it will start July 8th, and run for six weeks. For more information or to enroll, click here or look under “Upcoming Classes/Talks” above.

For those of you in Colorado, I will be doing a 3-hour workshop on Teaching Children to Interact Graciously on June 5th, from 6pm-9pm. This workshop will have two components: child-to-child interactions, and child-to-adult interactions. If you have a home daycare, this workshop will fulfill your 3 hours of Social/Emotional continuing education credits that you need. For more information and to enroll, click here.

If any of you are in Oklahoma, come to the free talk being sponsored by Rose Rock School: Getting to Yes: Gaining Cooperation from Toddlers and Preschoolers. The talk will be held at the public library on May 29th, from 7-8pm For more information, click here.

While I’m in Colorado, I will be available for coaching visits to your home or to your school. Before the visit I will go over what feels difficult for you right now, and we’ll determine the best time for me to come. I stay usually 3-4 hours, first observing, then jumping in and leading a meal or an activity, supervising free play and interactions between siblings. After my visit I will write up my suggestions for you and talk to you once directly afterward, and again a week later. Additional phone calls can be arranged as needed. Please email for rates and availability.

Here’s what one happy mom said:

“Dear Faith, thank you as usual, for the supportive call:) I put into practice your 4 recommendations immediately with great results! This support time with you is really invaluable! I cannot tell you how lucky I feel to be working with you! Your advice is so heartfelt, practical, simple to implement, and completely on the mark, thank you!” -R.K., mother of 2

Joyful Toddlers!

Practical Tips for Enjoying Time with the Toddlers and Preschoolers in your Life.