Category Archives: Positive Discipline

3 Year Old Defiance

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Dear Miss Faith,

My son is 3.5yo, and we’re struggling with defiance.  I had been very permissive with him in the past, and it wasn’t serving us or him.  Now I am struggling to establish new boundaries.  I feel like this is the right thing to do, but it isn’t going so well.  In the moment, when I am exercising my authority he either throws a tantrum (a new behavior from him), or he is completely defiant.  I can handle the tantrum with love, but the defiance makes me see red and I just cannot summon up love or humor or distraction to deal with the situation. Continue reading →

Being Firm without Being Mean

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I’ve talked before about how it benefits children when we have clear expectations and firm boundaries, and how it is reassuring to children to know that we are in charge. I’ve talked about how having regular schedules and doing things the same way each time can help cut down on discipline issues and allow children to develop expertise. But even when we do all of these things, issues are bound to arise. One of the main tasks of the toddler is to establish their own opinions.

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Acting Out

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Dear Miss Faith,  My three year old is having such a hard time lately, acting antagonistic towards his baby brothers, and no amount of helping him or punishing him is seeming to work.  I’ve tried everything I can think of and I’m at a loss…It seems like he has lots of opportunities to get his big energy out…what do I do when nothing seems to work?

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Picky Eater and Play at Mealtimes

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Dear Miss Faith,
In the past month we drastically changed our family’s diet, and my 3 year old is slow to warm up to the new food.  I see some progress but he has a new trick that is getting old very fast. We sit together as a family at the table for mealtimes, there is a lot of playing, singing, talking, clowning around, and very little eating going on. Half an hour goes by and he has only put a few bites in his mouth. There is no firm No’s (anymore), no tantrums of him wanting the bad food, he is just ridiculous and distracted. Continue reading →

Responding to Biting

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Dear Miss Faith,

I have a 2 ½ year old an 18 month old, and both are biting.  We’re doing as much as we can to prevent them from biting in the first place, but my question is about what do to once a bite has happened.  In general, when one bites another, we say “no biting.  look you really hurt her/him” in a stern way as we comfort the child who was hurt.  is this a good approach?  it doesn’t change things but hopefully in the long run it will sink in someday. thank you again.  your advice is so appreciated.  Be well, MM Continue reading →

Refusing to Speak

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Hi Faith,
My friend just turned me onto your blog and the timing couldn’t be better! I have a 16 month old daughter that has stopped talking! She will grunt and/or whine instead. She said her first word at around 1 year old and added another 5 or 6 words to her vocabulary within the next month or two. But at about 14 months, she stopped talking. She still makes animal sounds – cat meow, dog bark, cow moo– and will say the word ‘No’ when she’s REALLY upset (fortunately very rarely). But otherwise everything she points to or requests is coupled with a grunt or whine. When she first stopped talking i thought it may be a phase or that she was teething and that it may hurt her to talk. We realized that we were enabling her so we’ve made an effort to stop rewarding the grunting/whining but that often ends in a meltdown when she doesn’t get what she wants. Needless to say, we’re feeling a little frustrated around here. Help! Continue reading →

Clingy & Possessive 2.5yo

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Hi Faith! I have been thinking over the past 10 days that I am sure you could shed some light on what is happening with my 2 1/2 yo. son. I stay at home with him and there have been no changes to routine or the environment that I can detect. In the past my son has been friendly and charming when around others that live in the home (dad, older sister, and grandmother) but over the past 10 days or so it is as if a switch has been flipped. He now tells people to “go away!” when I talk to them. He is very possessive of me. I try to keep conversations short but he still would rather me not carry on with anyone at all! I want to teach him to “share mama” but I also want to listen to his needs and give all of myself to him. Do you have any idea what is happening? Is this common at this age? How should I react when he screams at me to stop talking to others or cries when other are around? Sincerely, ML Continue reading →

Raise a Balanced Child

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One of the things that we can do to help our children find their place in in the world is to help them to become well-balanced. A wonderful way to think of this is in terms of virtues. Do they talk too much and dominate the conversation? Being eloquent is a virtue, but it needs to be balanced out by the virtue of empathy, so they can learn to ask questions of others, and listen to their responses. Or you could think of it being balanced out by a sense of fairness, that they learn to take turns leading the conversation. So, instead of trying to squash down their talkativeness, we raise them up in another area so that they can excel in their talking AND their listening. Continue reading →

Young Kids and Chores

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Dear Miss Faith,

Can you talk a little bit more about responsibilities/expectations/chores for 2-3 year olds?  How do you go about incorporating young kids into household tasks, self-care, etc?  What can you reasonably expect at different ages?  When do you institute mandatory chores?
                                             -E.N.
Dear E.,
These are great questions!  As you know if you’ve read just about anything I’ve written, I’m a huge proponent of incorporating kids of all ages into household tasks.  First I’ll talk about why I think it’s so great to do, and then I’ll talk about age-appropriate expectations.
Why Household Tasks are Great for Kids

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Toddler/Infant Sibling Interactions

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My daughter is two and my son is almost one month old. My daughter is madly in love with her baby brother and wants to hold and carry him. I help her hold him while sitting down, but am having a tough time redirecting when she tries to pick him up or take him out of my arms and pulls on him. I find myself saying no while playing tug o war with my infant- not effective parenting :( Really, I’m looking for advice on those situations when the toddler puts herself or others in harm’s way. Another similar example is that when she plays with her friends, she will hug and not let go until the friend cries or falls over.

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