Dear Miss Faith,
My little guy is starting daycare and while I’m sure that it will be a wonderful, loving place for him, I am dreading dropping him off and saying goodbye. We have had a hard time with babysitters lately. Do you have any advice for helping it go smoothly?
Dear Mama,
Yes! I have helped many families adjust to saying goodbye for the first time, and what I’ve seen is this: the thing that makes the most difference for a child is the parent’s attitude. When a parent feels bad that a child is crying, and lingers as a result, children often continue crying for a long time, even after the parent has managed to drag herself away. I think that when a parent does this, the message she is sending is, “I don’t want to leave you here, but I have to.” The way the child interprets this is, “Mom doesn’t want to leave me here; I AM NOT SAFE HERE.”
The biggest gift you can give your child is to say, with every ounce of your being, “I am leaving you in the best of hands.” You don’t have to say this out loud; transmit it through your actions, through your attitude. This doesn’t mean that you don’t acknowledge his feelings: it’s hard to watch you leave! You can be compassionate without feeling guilty for causing the grief. “I know that saying goodbye is hard, AND I know that you’ll have a good time while I’m gone. I love you so much, and I am leaving you in the best of hands.”
But what if I AM feeling guilty? It is heart-wrenching to walk away when my little one is crying his heart out and reaching out to me.